This Is What Adoption Looks Like: The New Year

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Just over a year ago we shared with our family and friends how we were beginning the adoption process through our family Christmas photos on Facebook. Many know this has been a life long dream of mine. To actually be starting was exciting and overwhelming to say the least. We spent months researching the best type of adoption for our family. It was frustrating to slow down the process as we debated which direction to go all while praying and hearing no clear direction with the exception of one thing. Something we always knew. Our next children would be African American. Finally in April we settled on domestic infant or foster/adopt. We decided to leave the details in God’s hands. Our home study was officially done and we were considered “active” (a term passed around in the adoption world meaning we can officially bring a child home) in the middle of Aug. This to brought excitement and mixed emotions as we waited to be “matched” (another adoption term meaning to be selected by an expectant mother {EM} or foster agencies to move forward with adoption of a specific child). We thought we had entered into the easy part. Sit back and wait. WAIT- what a difficult thing to do. During this time we researched state by across the country looking for foster children who were adoptable (if you are interested you can find more information at: adoptuskids.org)  and a good fit for our family. Looking at countless websites of adoption agencies who might need families sooner than later. Numerous hours were spent on Pinterest reading articles of transracial adoption, how to do African American hair and how to survive the “WAIT”. Fast forward to this week. A site we follow posted a “Situation” (basic information shared on an EM who is looking to select a family to adopt her child). It seemed like a really good fit for us. We quickly filled out the 6 page questionnaire, and the multiple pages of legal work. We painfully selected 3 photo of our family and over nighted the packet to ensure it would get out of ND before the blizzard hit.

Then we waited. After the deadline and the expectant mom had time to review the different families we received an email notifying us that the EM had narrowed down her choice to 2 families and we were one of them. We were overjoyed! Could this really be what we have been waiting for? We began to pray. WOW was that hard. We wanted to pray BOLDLY and in FAITH but at the same time we knew another family was hoping for the same thing we were: to be selected. We desperately wanted God’s will in this situation and asked you, our friends and family, to join us in prayer. We were incredibly grateful for the number of you who came forward to pray on our behalf when you didn’t even know why.

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We were assured we would have our answer the next day late morning early afternoon. The next morning we were scheduled to pick up donations from an amazing company who did a pajama drive for Project Ignite Light. Though we are all anxiously awaiting a phone call for “yes” or an email for “no” we began to get our children ready to get on the road. Sitting in a car for the next hour and half became constant little voices asking, “Any news?” The phone rang everyone held their breath- it was the phone company, deflated sighs followed. Jokes were passed around about “please don’t call us if it’s not about a baby”. We tried to continue our day as if it were any other day. Nearing the city of our destination we talked about what to do next. Lunch was the obvious choice and as we began to discuss where to go, the phone rang. We instantly knew from the number this was the call we were waiting for. I answered and Darin began to try to drive and record on his phone at the same time (I know- but his eyes were on the road the whole time and the recording is probably not very good). I should have put it on speaker but it never occurred to me as I began to listen to the Lawyer on the other end share all the details of how the EM decided we were the family she wanted to share this journey with. The tears were in and out. I tried to process everything he was telling me knowing it was important but all I could think of was THIS IS IT! I gave a thumbs up to everyone in the car, worried if I didn’t give a signal someone would pass out from holding their breath. After the call I tried to relay everything I could to a very excited family and it was probably the most memorable lunch we have ever had.

SO what does this all mean?

1) We are preliminary matched with an expectant mom. Now we must fly out this week meet her to make sure it’s a good fit for all involved. Once both agree to move forward then we are officially “matched”.

2) Should both families decide to move forward our first half of the fees will be due and some legal paper work will be signed.

3) We will fly home and once again WAIT

4) We will get a call that baby is coming and we will once again fly out to be with EM to see if the adoption will proceed. Should she move forward we will then sign more papers and pay the remainder of the fees

*We should note at any time this expectant mom is fully with in her right to change her mind and decide to parent. This is a big fear for families who are adopting. However we want what is best for all involved and have placed this possibility in God’s hands.

I’m sure many are wondering the details. Much like early pregnancy it is encouraged that adoptive families share very little. It’s to help avoid the pain of explaining to people what happened should the expectant mom decide to parent. For us we have decided we need you, our friends and family, as a support system whatever her final decision may be. We also felt strongly that we want as many other people as possible to take this faith journey of adoption and we wanted to be as transparent as possible of the highs and lows in this process.

Here’s what we can or are willing to share at the moment knowing that it is not our place to share the details of the expectant mom’s life. We have the deepest respect for her and we are amazed we get to be part of her life. We welcome questions but know for now this is mostly what we are comfortable sharing.

1. We are currently expecting a BABY GIRL!!! She is healthy however this is a high risk pregnancy and we are asking for prayer for baby and EM that all will be healthy and strong.

2. She is due Feb.20th

3. The expectant mom is living in FL. This was very much an answer to prayer (though we were willing to go any where in the country) as we wanted an open adoption and spend a lot of time in FL. Also we have FL connections making this much more affordable on our travel expenses.

4. The fees are $40,000. This is a lot but also very normal. The majority of domestic adoptions are ranging from $30K-$40K. This helps cover a multitude of costs from: lawyer fees, court costs, state to state fees, advertising, expectant mother expenses(counseling, living, etc.) and more. It’s daunting but we believe God will provide.

How can you help?

  1. If you have questions: ASK! Just as people love to talk about their pregnancies we LOVE to talk about our adoption.  But we also don’t want to be annoying. For the most part if you don’t ask we probably won’t bring it up.
  2. Please pray for us, the expectant mom and the baby. This is a time filled with many emotions.  Our family is fearful of letting our hearts love before the papers are signed but we are human and to say we are excited is an understatement. We are asking God for protection! Protection/health, protection/provision of finances.
  3. We have a lot of money to raise. We are applying for every adoption grant that we qualify for. But with such a quick due date and $20K due this coming week we need God to provide in major ways. Would you consider partnering with us by making a donation to our adoption fund? There’s still time to make an end of the year tax deductible donation to our Both Hands account! Just click on this link > Both Hands No dollar amount is to small or to big 🙂 We believe this will be part of our testimony on how God works to bring children into families!

We want to THANK each one of you who has supported us in this process. We know we are blessed with such an amazing support system and we look forward to sharing more details as it develops.
With all our love, Happy New Year!

Pebbles Thompson